January 2003

tiddly beer beer beer // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Monday, 01.27.03
Well, as usual, I didn't win the football pool. In fact, for some reason, I'm out $4,000 and I woke up with a severed horse's head strapped to my own head, like a makeshift horse's head costume. But hey, the Superbowl had some great commercials, huh? Every single one of them was worth the $2 gajillion spent on airplay. Like, there was that hysterical beer commercial, where... that guy... liked beer. And his love for beer got him into a real sticky situation, but luckily a scantily clad broad was able to save him. And then they both had a good laugh over how great beer is, and how hot the girl is, and then she fell down a few times. I can't exactly remember which brand of beer they were trying to sell me, but they sold the idea that beer is wonderful. So, to the marketing agency that made the commercial about the beer and the guy in the sticky situation and the girl that saved him and consequently fell down a lot, congratulations, I'm now a raging alcoholic with a severed horses head leaking stink fluids on my sheets.

super bowel // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Saturday, 01.25.03
When Rachel told me she signed me up for her store's Superbowl pool, my first thought was, "Shit, it's baseball season already?" But I smoothly hid my stupidity by grunting, "Sports! Good." She then went on to tell me that I (we) had the best spot in the entire pool, and that there was a very good chance that I (we) could win lots and lots of money (ie. scrilla, cheddar, etc.). Here's how it works, everyone in the pool gets two numbers that represent two teams. If both of your teams' score end in your number, you win. For instance, my numbers are 7 and 0, but since I don't know who's actually playing in the Superbowl, I can't tell you who those number correspond with. But, you can rest assured that I will have my large ass planted in front of the television with my fat free pringles and a bottle of water with the rest of the boys on Superbowl... uh... Sunday? Yeah, that sounds right. All I need to do is find some boys. Ooh, and some streamers! And a pinata! Why, it shall be the grandest sports-related party of them all!

30 degees below 0 // rachel threw this into the junk drawer on Sunday, 01.12.03
I hate New York City in the winter. Everyone tries to catch a cab because they are freezing their nipples off. So there are no cab rides and when you eventually find one, they try to kill you in it by going 500mph. Mars 2112 is good but I think it will be my last visit with the scary aliens on "Mars". I dont think I will be enjoying the dirty air in NYC until it is at least 60 degrees. Winter BLOWS!!!

office hyjinxzs // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Thursday, 01.09.03
If I start charging users to have their passwords reset, do you think I would get fired? Not too much, like $30 or something. Your forgetfullness has inconvenienced me, and a small donation to the Feed John's Stingy Ass fund will ensure that you never forget your password again. Or, if you don't have any cash on you, I'll reset your password if you let me ignite something that you hold dear. Maybe your pants, your eyebrows, or perhaps your firstborn. Yes, that'll do nicely. I'll reset your password if you let me burn your child. That's it, I'm bringing this up at the next meeting, less password resets, more third degree burns.

mmm... floor // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Tuesday, 01.07.03
And the number 1 greatest benefit of being sick for weeks on end is... dropping a grilled cheese sammich on the floor of a seedy Oriental deli, picking it up waaay after the five second rule and eating it, knowing full well that you can't get any more sick from puny floor germs. That's right, I ignored the "five second rule." If you're unfamiliar, the rule states that dropped food is still safe for human consumption providing it is picked up within a five second window of dropping it. So, if you're eating a Choco Taco, and accidentally drop it into a vat of liquid cancer, you can still eat the Choco Taco as long as you can fish it out of the vat of liquid cancer within five seconds. When my sandwich struck the floor, I hesitated at least 10 seconds before picking it up. I'm clearly losing my sammich recovery skills.

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