Where can you find 700 contact lense cases, orphaned Lego pieces and tokens to an arcade that burned down 10 years ago? That's right, your junk drawer! It serves as a halfway-house for stuff too obscure to categorize, yet too sacred to throw away.

So, I created my own "virtual-reality techno Junk Drawer of the future" right here on thismayhurt.com. Not only will I be throwing shit in here whenever the mood strikes me, but so will my very special guest, Rachel "Why Are You Making Me Do This?" Corus. So strap yourselves in, as we're all bound to be on a crash course with "wackiness." Enjoy.

January 2006

reveries of a spinster // catherine threw this into the junk drawer on Sunday, 01.15.06
In high school, my best friend told me she'd had a dream about me. 20 years in the future, she was walking in the forest, when she came across a cottage whose lawn was covered in gnomes, plastic flamingos, and those geese that windmill their wings. She knocked at the door; I answered, hunched over and grey. Tenting my fingers ala Mr. Burns, I said, "Welcome to my House of Cats."

10 years later, I'm working in a library, I'm built like John Goodman, and my skin has an unearthly pallor. In March, my current best friend will throw a party celebrating her 3 years of celibacy. Decorations will include photos of her nethers with an angry Gandalf Photoshopped across, bellowing, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" I seem destined for the House of Cats.

So, like many a desperate loser, I placed an ad on Craigslist. Celibacy Girl acted as my Craigslist Yoda, trying to keep me positive as I tried to think of a title that wasn't "Bookish Shut-In Seeks Same". Eventually, we both lost interest in favor of gossiping about a guy my sister likes who's been embezzling money from Subway to the tune of 10G's. I posted whatever, titled it "Shy girl looking to open up", and went to bed.

When I woke up, I realized that a title like that would likely lead me to meet the kind of people you hear about on Dateline specials with taglines like, "She was a former Catholic schoolgirl looking for love. He was a sexual predator wanted in 3 states. Hear the story of a tragedy that shook a nation." Checking my email yielded 2 obscene requests for photos, 1 email full of non-sequiturs, and 2 emails from couples looking for a "fun girl" -- all within 12 hours of posting. When I freaked out and went to edit my post, children's librarian and devil's advocate Miss Linda informed me that God had given me a gift, and that I should milk this comedy goldmine for all it's worth. So now I'm meeting the swinger couples for coffee. The things I do for ThisMayHurt.

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