February 2004

crispy anakin // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Sunday, 02.29.04

braaaaaains... // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Saturday, 02.21.04
I just watched this and now I'm afraid to walk down the hall to the bathroom. There wasn't even a scary bathroom sequence in the movie, it's just really dark out there and I know that some stupid fucking zombie is going to open the linen closet door and yank me inside. Some people don't like the remake, but it was the first horror movie that I ever watched (I was in fourth or fifth grade, in Chris Bozek's living room) and I'm sentimental like that. And here I sit, bladder full of urine, without a guaranteed zombie-free location to expel it. This is why we need shotguns in the house.

WARNING // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Friday, 02.20.04
Warning: "La Yogurt" Fat Free Blueberry yogurt tastes like a candle. And not one of them fancy candles. Like a fat free yogurt candle. When purchasing yogurt for yourself or your loved ones, please spend the extra dollar and get yogurt devoid of candle-flavored characteristics. That is all.

comedy goldmine #2 // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Wednesday, 02.18.04
Seventh one down. In Mallrats, Brodie's girlfriend Rene breaks up with him via a letter, in which she rattles off a long list of his faults. His friend T.S. comes over and sees the letter framed on the wall...

T.S.: Wow, look at this laundry list of complaints. Says you have no direction, no college ambition, no job prospects...
Brodie: Yeah, it also says I have no dick. But you'll notice that follows the financial question, proving once more what women really look for.
T.S.: She calls you callow in here.
Brodie: You say that like it's bad.
T.S.: Well, it means frightened and weak-willed.
Brodie: Really?. Shit, that was the only part of the letter I thought was complimentary.

(chirp chirp) // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Monday, 02.16.04
I'm at work. The entire 4th floor is out to a meeting in another building. No, seriously, everyone on the entire floor is out at a meeting. Except for me. I didn't notice it until I looked behind me and saw row after row of empty seats... I must look pretty ridiculous. I can hear individual cpu fans whirring. I can hear the bubbles in my Diet Mountain Dew can popping. Normally I beg for this type of solitude... I think I'm going to go hang out at the bus stop for a while.

ASCII // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Friday, 02.13.04
YES. Have you tried playing a 2-D fighter with a standard Dreamcast controller? It's nearly impossible. And this is coming from a person who can play a first person shooter with an X-Box controller just as well as with a mouse and keyboard. The Dreamcast was an awesome system, but that controller... jesus christ. Marvel vs. Capcom 2 is fucking insane in its own right, but add in that controller and it's damn-near committable. But now... oh boy... I've got the aforementioned MvC2, Street Fighter Alpha 3 and Street Fighter III Third Strike, and a brand new slightly used ASCII controller on the way. And now it's all come full circle, since the first 2-D fighter I ever played was Street Fighter II Turbo on my SNES with an ASCII controller. Please excuse this tremendously greasy nerdgasm.

ironicle // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Monday, 02.09.04
Today, during my half-hour lunch-break drive to nowhere, the local college radio station played five back-to-back songs that didn't suck. It started with old Incubus, followed by old System of a Down, followed by new Descendents, followed by the Ramones and finishing up with Rancid. That put me in a good mood. When I returned to work, I scrolled through my iPod and nothing caught my eye, so I set it to "shuffle," and I get five fucking stinkers right in a row. How is this possible? I have roughly 2,000 songs on there, all full albums, and somehow the shuffle managed to pick out the five worst tracks on there. Here's what it picked: a hidden track from Outkast's 'Stankonia', something called 'The Oath' from the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack, a movie clip from the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack, KMFDM's 'Pity for the Pious' (which may be good, I just skipped it since it's off their newest, lamest album) and some DJ remix wicka-wicka thing that I didn't feel like listening to. OMG, life is so unfair. Though only eight sentences, this update took me about 45 minutes to write, so I hope you read it again and again.

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