March 2005

badonkadonk // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Tuesday, 03.22.05
Haha, my friend Frank built a "strange, brightly lit, armored hovercraft" named the JL421 Badonkadonk. That's fucking awesome, and if it was just a little big longer, I could see Luke chucking skiff guards off that thing and into the Sarlaac pit. And to think, the last thing I helped Frank build was a kite made out of 50 pounds of wood that flew with the grace and stability of an industrial sink. Nice to see that he's making progress.

Rats Off To Ya! // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Saturday, 03.12.05
I love Tom Goes to the Mayor. Many people hate it, but that's only because their brains aren't advanced enough to recognize the humor in ridiculous powerpoint presentations, canine nuptuals and Rats Off To Ya! t-shirts. Folks, I don't ask for much, but why don't you go ahead and buy some stickers so I can fill up my PayPal account with enough virtual dough to purchase this cotton-based masterpiece? That would be mighty kind of you considering I PROVIDE YOUR ASS WITH FREE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY GODFORSAKEN WEEK OF MY STUPID LIFE. Just kidding, not really, I love you, buy my shit.

candy bar candy bar // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Wednesday, 03.02.05
Hi. TMH turned three a few days ago, and to celebrate, I decided to get my wisdom teeth pulled. They're not even hurting me, I just like to undergo oral surgery every few months to keep the rest of my body in line. Despite the variety of horror stories that I read on the internet from pussies who can barely wake up in the morning without fracturing their faces, my dentist has assured me that I won't feel a thing, except for a slight rise in my pants as he seductively jabs a thousand and ten needles into the roof of my mouth. It's going to be great. And once this is over, I can go back to my normal regimen of brushing my teeth with Hershey's syrup and flossing with paper clips. My dentist is the shit, though. I asked him if I would have to stay home from work the day after the extraction, and he's like, "Pssh, yeah if you're a fucking faggot." Awesome. Plus, his last name is Horowitz, just like the Beastie Boy, so I'll be bustin' rhymes before I lose all control over my mouth. "Make another record 'cause the people they want more of this, suckas they be sayin' they can take out Dr. Horowitz."

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