August 2005

doo hah // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Wednesday, 08.24.05
Inspectah Deck, he's like that dude that'll sit back and watch you play yourself and all that, right? And see you sit there and know you lyin' and he'll take you to court after that, that's why he's the Inspectah, and also he's the Rebel INS. And Raekwon, he's the Chef, he's cookin' up some marvelous shit to get your mouf waterin' on some "oh shit!" Then there's the Method Man, there's like mad different methods to the way he does his shit. Basically Method Man is like, "Roll that shit, light that shit, smoke it" know what I'm sayin'? And then Baby-U, he a psychopathic thinker. Then we got the Ol' Dirty Bastard 'cause there ain't no father to his style, that's why he the Ol' Dirty Bastard. Ghostface Killa, he on some "now you see me now you don't," know what I'm sayin'? And the RZA, he the sharpest muthafucka in the whole clan, he always on point. Razor sharp. With the beats, with the rhymes, whatever, and he DJ. And the GZA, he just a genius, he's the backbone of the whole joint. He's the head, let's put it that way. We formed like Voltron and the GZA happened to be the head, know what I'm sayin'?

Protect Ya Neck | Gravel Pit | Da Mystery of Chessboxin'

yoohoo // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Monday, 08.22.05
If you're anything like me, the thought of Henry Rollins degrading you in public gives you a massive erection. It's okay. With these official Henry Rollins ringtones, you can get the great taste of flabby shame every time your phone rings. Imagine the thrill of having a punk rock icon call you an asshole every time you receive an incoming call. Impress friends and family with your hardcore choice of aural notification and stimulation. It's Henry Rollins, and he's going to beat you upside the head if you don't answer your fucking phone. Hey. Damn. Yeah.

clone wars // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Tuesday, 08.09.05
I had a strange conversation with my dentist, today. Well, she wasn't the real dentist, more like the pre-dentist that does all the work. She's a very nice Chinese woman, who has just enough of an accent to make conversations difficult and hilarious.

Dentist: Did you see that they cloned a dog?
Me: Yeah, I saw pictures on the news. Pretty freaky, huh?
Dentist: It's scary. If the technology fell into the wrong hands... we'd all be dead.
Me: Heh heh, um, yeah, I guess you're right.
Dentist: Plus, we'd run out of room! So you just have to be ready to go.
Me: Yep. (not really understanding)
Dentist: Are you ready to go?
Me: Oh sure.
Dentist: You're not afraid?
Me: Wait, what?
Dentist: Of going? You don't have faith, do you?
Me: Faith in...?
Dentist: Well, you know what they say: "Believe in Jesus." Bite down for me please.

Does your pre-dentist talk about cloned humans taking over the world and waging war against the non-clones? All I know is, I came off like some Jesus-hating hardass that can't wait to die. It makes sense, since only someone who made a pact with the devil could have a set of choppers as beautiful as mine.

Sportmanlike Spanish // lacki threw this into the junk drawer on Monday, 08.08.05
SPAM Poetry volume 1 (Sportmanlike Spanish)
by John Lacki

Is make be sportmanlike spanish?
You didn't answer, Lindsey Affable.
Gay Dudes, Messy Cumshot in Van Movies,
Lacki, Instant Pleasures, Volume 2002.
Now, it's finally possible for you to enlarge your penis,
Mother Leads Me to Finish (Verification)...
SPECIAL SITUATIONS REPORT: Is Andy leaving him?
RE: I found the solution:
Complimentary Subscription to Oprah Magazine.
Hairy Slut With Glasses, a Backseat Facial Cumshot,
At sit the radioactive lamentation.
Information! Stop the Abuse! Order Xanax online.

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